Conflicted

Before (6 months)

After (16 months)

Every time I look at old pictures of Luc, he looks more bald, yes, but also a lot chubbier. With each month, Luc has lost more and more of the chub. At the time, I never thought Luc was chubby at all. He's always seemed lean to me and everyone else. Most importantly, he always looks healthy. And he's barely been sick since he was born.
Recent research has even shown, and proven, that fat babies and toddlers are not a good thing. Sure, they look cute, and you think they'll work off that milk fat when they start walking, but scientists have found that fat cells start creating as early as infancy and can cause weight problems later in life.
This is also true with forcing children to eat when they're not really hungry. Until a child is a few years old, their brains literally have no understanding of over-eating or eating when they're not hungry. They have a primal instinct for eating- eat, when full, stop eating. I've never been one to push Luc to eat. Once he's full, he stops, and I stop. I'm not saying I never sat there on the couch with him and tired to bribe him to eat more thinking there was no way his stomach could really be full. But he was and refused my persuasive, pouty lips.

Luc has never been a big eater. Ever. And though logically I can tell myself that's most likely not going to change until he's a teenager, I still hope every night that he'll eat enough to carry him through until late in the morning. Then 3:45 am, 4 am, 4:30 am, or 5am rolls around, and I awake in a shot to hear Luc crying for food. Fiddling with his hands, sleeves of his PJs, or the sleeves on my PJs, he gulps down 8-8.5 oz of milk. I mindlessly sit there, holding his bottle, head resting on the back of the couch allowing myself to zone out for those 10-15 minutes before slouching down on the couch to fall back asleep with Luc when he's finished.

[People have told me of their stories of giving the toddler water when they wake for food at this age and within a few days they stop waking up. One, Luc refuses the water. I tried that. And Two, knowing how little Luc eats and how he 'snacks' all day, I don't think he's just looking for comfort in the middle of the night through the form of milk.]

I often times get mad at Luc for being so hungry at unGodly hours of the night at this age. (However, I think this is mostly due to dishonest Mothers and a social attitude that toddlers should not be waking up at all during the night, especially for food. In non-western cultures, it is expected for children to not only sleep in the same bed as the parents, but wake up for feedings in the middle of the night until they're 3 years old). Then I get mad at myself for wanting to deny this lil guy some food when he needs it so I can sleep. And then I selfishly think I can never have another kid and continue this complete lack of a good-night's rest for a few more years. Then I scold myself for being selfish again and denying Luc a playmate and best friend for life in not giving him a sibling or two-just for a few more hours of sleep for me.

So Luc doesn't eat much at night or before bed. So he needs a little supplement during the night, still, at 16 months old. And so you may think I'm not Mother of the Year for then cuddling with him on the couch for us to fall back asleep until the alarm awakes us (me, then I wake Luc because he's in a deep sleep again by then) at 6am. But I'm just trying to survive.
...And don't think I haven't tried almost everything to get him to sleep longer or filled up before bed. I have tried everything but letting him have a beer before I tuck him in. :-P
...But when the 6am alarm does chime, and reluctantly I open my eyes, praying to God it's a joke and I still have 1 more hour, I glance over at Luc sleeping soundly next to me and smile. And I think, soon enough, I'll be opening my eyes when the alarm rings and he will no longer be laying next to me. I'll be then wishing I was snuggled up with him and he was little again. And I'll miss hearing him laugh out loud in his sleep.
 

Things I want my child(ren) to know about Me

Thanks, Nathalie.

1. List 25 random facts about yourself.

-Born and lived in New York
-Loved having Hermit Crabs as pets when I was a kid
-My brother, Dave, was my best friend growing up
-Started coloring my hair in high school. Didn't stop until I was 24
-had a pet angora rabbit named Fluff.
-Used to dance
-Play the flute and piccolo
-Want to learn how to play the piano
-Love to learn about other peoples' lives that are completely different from mine
-Love to Read
-Need time to myself everyday
-Enjoy cooking, but not baking
-On my way home, often think about keep driving on I-95 until I reach my old house in NY.
-Want to learn Italian
-Want to live in a warm, tropical place, near a beach
-Hate wearing shoes
-Low Maintenance. Don't have the motivation, and now time, to style my hair everyday, put on a lot of make up, keep my nails nicely painted, accessorize, etc.
-Read the news everyday
-Wish I had studied abroad
-Want to run in a 5K
-Find gardening to be relaxing
-Want to write and publish a book
-Am right handed, but do throw and kick balls with my left because of mirroring my brother as a child when I was learning from him.
-I've never broken a bone
-Want to take Ballroom dancing lessons

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have.
 -I have always feared someone breaking into my house, especially when I'm home.
 -Loosing loved ones in a random, horrific accident.
 -Heights. My ankles start to shake even watching something on TV.

3. Describe your relationship with your spouse.
   We come from a similar family life, have common goals, and understandings about life and people. We enjoy doing a lot of the same things. We also grew up differently, in different parts of the world, and we continue to learn things from each other everyday.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
-Go out and party
-Don't be shy about boys
-Be more outgoing
-Study a little harder
-Learn French- you really will need it in your future!!!
-Stop comparing yourself to others
-Wear more form fitting clothes and don't cover it with your jacket
-Eat healthier
-Enjoy your boredom and no responsibilities
- Don't be self conscious. The girls in school who are skinny now, will be fat later. And vice versa for you. That's sweet revenge.

5. What are 5 things that make you most happy right now?
 -Seeing Luc laugh with his whole body
 -Watching Luc learn things on his own
 -Lazy days as a family
 -Warm, sunny days
 -No traffic

6. If you could have 3 wishes, what would you wish for?
 -Frederic to have a less stressful, time-consuming job
 -Live somewhere that has no winter (with all my family close by)
 -Be a stay at home mom

7. What is your dream job, and why?
  I've always wanted to work for a magazine, writing columns, in NYC... because I love the medium of magazines, I love to write, and I love NYC.

8. What are 5 passions you have?
  -Being a happy, teaching, understanding Mom
  -Enjoying nice weather by doing things outside
  -Maintaining a healthy, happy home
  -Sleeping more than 7 hours at night (ha!)
  -Opening my mind to real issues in the world


9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

-Frederic: Teaches me to be more open-minded, love unconditionally. He's also brought me places around the world, made me an ole married woman and a Mom. He encourages me to stand up for myself and remember I deserve better when things aren't as they should be/aren't fair.
-Mom: The example in which I strive to be on how to be a Mother, how to sacrifice, and be a moral, honest person.
-Dad: We're so alike that for a long time I thought we were completely different. Now that I recognize just how similar we are, I learn things about myself by watching and listening to him. He's been a strong, reliable, sturdy presence throughout my life and a lot of how I act, and react, is directly learned from him.
- Luc: He teaches Me about Myself. He makes me fight to be a better person everyday. Life is more important when you bring someone into this world; my needs are not as important as his; my actions must be responsible because I am responsible for him.
-Grandma O: Even if you have not had a perfect, fairytale or 'normal' childhood and family, you can create your own happiness, follow your heart, know that it is not money but rather loved ones that make you rich. And even in the later years of your life, there is so much to live for and so much that brings happiness.
-Nathalie: She can survive everyday, being home with 3 kids which includes twin boys and not loose her mind. She teaches me I can definitely find the strength to handle one child. Her strength to raise those kids and do so much while her husband builds a prominent career is inspiring.
- Dave: Creativity allows your mind to stay fluid and young. Deciding to follow your dreams can work out and make you happy.
-There are many people I know that also influence me to not be like them: Not to focus your life on money, working 24/7 and never being with your family, gossiping all the time and behind people's back, eating like a cow and complaining about your health, not enjoying each day's beauty, not recognizing we're not the only country and culture in the world, not being thankful for how lucky we really are to be living in the USA and not have to worry about being bombed on our way to work, starving to death, or contracting horrible diseases we don't have money to cure.

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
  I work very hard not to make a fool of myself. I cannot think of anything truly embarrassing. If something did happen, I just brush it off and forget about it.

11. Describe 5 pet peeves you have.
 -Slow, selfish drivers
 -Selfish people
 -People who feel entitled
 -A mess
 -People not being on time

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

  Weekday: 4:30-5am Luc wakes up, feed him a bottle, lay down on the couch and fall back asleep until 6am. Get him ready to go to Grandma's while Frederic gets ready. 6:30, start getting ready for work, at work by 6:50-7am. Sometimes run errands during lunch break. Finish work at 3pm, drive to Glen Burnie to pick up Luc from my parent's house. Return home around 4-4:15pm. Feed Luc at 5pm. If it's nice outside, take a walk. Otherwise, the evening is spent doing laundry, playing with Luc, giving Luc a bath, preparing dinner. 6:30-7pm: Cook dinner. 7pm-Frederic comes home. 7:30 eat dinner as a family. 7:45-8pm, put Luc to bed. 8-10pm: clean up from dinner, shower, watch TV, talk with Frederic. 10:30pm: Alseep.


13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
 Making hard life choices, being responsible for yourself and others, no longer being care-free.

14. Describe 5 weaknesses and 5 strengths you have.

Weakness
-Not tolerant of close-minded people
-Sometimes too controlling
-Don't give most people second chances
-Find it hard to be trusting
-Hold people to very high Standards. I expect people to be moral and honest to the point when they're not, they don't want to let me know because they fear I'll judge them and be harsh on them.

Strengths
-Patient
-Easy-going
-Selfless
-Organized
-Good listener and give good advice

15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how you fell in love.

 On our first date, Frederic and I took my dog, Cali, for a walk. We were talking about random things when my world suddenly stopped, I looked at him, and just knew he was the man I would marry.

16. What are your 3 greatest accomplishments?
 -Surviving college (my living situations, not the studies)
 -Marrying Frederic
 -Settling into our house in Columbia and starting our family, with Luc

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
  Standing up for myself, speaking my mind, and following my heart's desires.

18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
I love unconditionally and make sacrifices to make others happy.

19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
 It was an overwhelming sense of happiness, that my purpose in life was beginning.

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

-Moving to Maryland from New York. Leaving my house, my friends, and family and going somewhere completely unknown to me with a slightly different 'culture'.
-4th grade, the first time I had a 'fight' with a 'friend' and she started telling others mean things about me. I remember my mom telling me that you can't please everyone in life and not everyone is going to like you. I remember learning there are some people who will take joy out of being mean to you and you're not meant to get along with everyone you meet in life.
- Rotating sleeping in my or my brother's room Christmas Eve night, waking up super early and opening our stockings together before we went to wake up Mom and Dad.

21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
 Mom and I have always gotten along, shared similar interests. She's always been my shoulder to cry on and mouth for reasoning. She made a perfect balance of mother and friend. Now we're even closer since she helps take care of Luc.
Dad and I distanced during my teen years, like many girls do. As I said previously, I've learned that my Dad and I are a lot more alike then different. There's a silent, common ground between us. Words don't always need to spoken to have a conversation or share opinions.

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
 -5 years: I see Frederic and I expanding our family plus one while learning the ropes of toddlerhood with Luc.
 -10 years: I may or may not still be working full time. I'm sure my 'free time' will be spent taking Luc to soccer practice and running around keeping the kid(s) active.
 -15 years: I will gain a little more time for myself in which I can take up some of the hobbies I left behind.


23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
 Halloween. I'm not quite sure why since I hate being scared and scare very easily. But I like how there is no other holiday like it, it's close to my birthday, and it's in the fall with the crisp, cool autumn weather. You can disguise yourself and be someone/something else for the night. Oh, and the free candy!

24. What’s your favorite thing about parenthood?
Watching Luc learn things everyday and accomplish milestones. Getting to hear his belly laugh. Spending my time and effort making him happy.

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
God. And whatever food he prefers. -He's God afterall. I would like to ask a million different questions about life on this Earth, solve mysteries, and gain a sense of comfort for my future. 

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
  Anything in Pop Culture- drugs, sex, cheating, celebrity status, etc. People have turned sins into normality. And even though they're still not 'right', they're seen as being 'acceptable'.

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
 My Legs. They always remain slim and toned and without them I couldn't do a lot of what I love to do in everyday life. 

28. What’s your favorite quality in your husband and why?
 He's hard-working. Though most of his effort is spent at the office/at work, whenever there is something else that requires or captures his interest, he's determined to get it done and gets it done as near to perfect as possible. He sacrifices a lot to get that given thing completed/accomplished.

29. What are your hopes and dreams for your posterity?
  Happiness, health, love, faith. Whether life gives them good fortune or bad, these are the things that make life enjoyable and fulfilled.

30. List 10 things you hope to be remembered for.
 -An awesome Wife
-A Loving Mom
-A Supportive Sister
-A Good Daughter
-Accepting of others
-Reliable
-Fun
-Happy
-Doing things for others without expecting anything in return
-Hard working

What's New?

 Luc had his 15-month check-up. Here are his new stats:

Weight: 19 lbs 4 oz

Height: 30.5 inches

Teeth: 10; 4 front top and 4 front bottom; two top first molars. His right bottom molar looks to be making its way up.

Here's what our lil guy has been up to lately:
-matches 8 shapes on wooden puzzle, can place them in the spots himself
-matches almost all 10 colors on another wooden puzzle on first try
-can just about climb onto the couch by himself
-loves walking between our legs
-new game: running up to us and pushing his head between our legs while screaming
-enjoys coloring with crayons
-prefers yellow over other colors, then green
-will come up to Mommy on the floor with a book to read. Mommy will make room for Luc to sit between her legs, he'll climb over and sit, then rotate until his back is touching my stomach
 -understands 'switch' when he's holding something in his hand and you're trying to put on/take off a shirt
-gives Eskimo kisses
-gives High Fives
-if you ask for a "big" hug, Luc will wrap his arms around you and squeeze as tightly as he can. He's pretty strong!
-enjoys closing doors
-loves to push things (corn popper, strollers, cutting board that's his height, kid chairs, etc)
-takes a cell phone and holds it up to his ear and says "Hi". But when someone is really on the phone, Luc remains silent...until you hang up. Then- "Hi." We're working on his timing.
-in the bath, will put his mouth under water for a second and hold his breath
-discovered he can spin around in place and get dizzy
-points to Momma, Dada, and himself when you ask where these people are
-points/pats in response to:
   Head-Where does your hat go?
   Chest- Where does your coat go?
   Feet- Where do your socks/shoes go?
  Crotch- Where does your diaper go?
-feels something hot, sees Dada's coffee mug, pot on the stove, plate coming out of the microwave and says "Hotttt".
-blows on his food if it's too hot to eat (or hands it back to Momma to do it)
-a few times stabbed chicken with his fork and put it in his mouth
-feeding himself with a spoon, dipped in thick baby food or greek yogurt
-kicks a ball

-Answers:
"What does a Lion say?"
With:
"Roooaarr"
-"What does a cow say?" "Oooo"

How do I look in Dada's glasses?

Toddler Help 
Luc loves to help with anything. Whether it's putting something away, throwing something away, getting something, laundry, etc.

 Luc's new favorite morning routine is grabbing the peanut butter from the pantry and jelly from the fridge to give to Dada for his sandwich, then put it back. Whenever he accomplishes something, Luc will clap his hands and says DAA daa (I think he's trying to mimic the sound of "Good job").
Luc also likes to help Dada get dressed in the mornings. Frederic often leaves his next day of work clothes laid out in the bathroom. In the morning, Luc will now bring Dada his socks, his shirt, his belt, and sometimes pants. And he'll even point to Frederic's feet to let him know that's where his socks are supposed to go.

Discrimination
Luc is still waking up at 5am everyday after sleeping through the night. When Dada gets him, they can fall back asleep on the couch until 7. When Momma comes in the room, Luc must get his bottle, then we can lay on the couch and fall back asleep until 7. If I don't get him his bottle he screams and cries and points for it nonstop. I say 7am, that's only on the weekends. During the week it's until 6. I'm starting to try to get him to fall back asleep when he wakes up at 5. Sometimes it works.

I Know You!
It's great to see that Luc is getting more comfortable around people. If it's a new adult, he's a little shy at first, but then quickly warms up. If it's a new kid, he jumps right in there. Within a short amount of time, he's trying to hug this other toddler. If it's family he often sees, there's no hesitation anymore. Luc is completely happy to spend time with Bonne Maman and Bon Papa. While dropping Luc off to be babysat, he didn't cry or flinch when we left the house. He just started playing. Luc's also happy to see Uncle Dave and now insists he's trust worthy enough to ask to be held by him.
Grandpa works from home almost every Friday, and often times during the other week days,  Luc will go into the study to look for Grandpa working. When he's not there, Luc turns to Grandma with his arms up asking where is he.

Recognition
Luc makes associations between things very easily. If he see a ball on the tv or in a book, he'll look around the room to find his ball, point to it and say 'bawl'. When reading an animal book at Grandma's, he'll get up and match the object he has to the animal in the book when it comes up. For example, the giraffe. Luc will get up, go to his toy box and pick up the Duplo giraffe and bring it over to Grandma. He does that for the polar bear, the tiger, etc.
While we are putting on our socks or shoes, he'll point to his feet or his shoes to make the association. He does this with hats as well.
Luc also pays attention to where things have their spot around the house. His shoes go on a certain step, his one sweatshirt gets hung on the coat hanger while another does not, Grandma's boots go in the coat closet while his go next to his car seat. His blanket gets hung over the back of the chair while at Grandma's and his hat goes on the arm rest. If you try to put it somewhere else, he will definitely tell you that's not right. Before you even get a chance to put something away, he's telling you where it's supposed to go.

Vroommm
Luc is in love with any machine that makes a 'vroom' noise. Cars, the vacuum, trucks, stand mixer, hand mixer, hair dryer, etc.Whenever Luc sees it, he'll point and say 'vrooommm'.

Haha
Luc is still our little clown. If he finds something that will make you laugh or put a small smile on your face, that's his new favorite thing to do. We feel so lucky to have such a sweet-hearted boy who's days' purpose is to make people laugh and be happy.

Cuddle Bug
Luc's now becoming more and more of a cuddler. Of course, he's still always on the move, but now he's taking more tiny breaks to come over and give you a random hug, or nuzzle his head on your shoulder. It's almost like he's recognizing those who care for him as a comfort rather than his pacifier or something else.
Luc is now also in the habit that if one person receives a kiss from him (whether asked or not), everyone else nearby must get one too. He'll just turn to the next person, pucker his lips and hum "Mmm".

Blankey
One thing about Luc is, he hates sleeping with a blanket over him. He's been this way since he was very small (after the swaddling stage). If you try to put a blanket on him before he's asleep, he'll try to kick it off and start fussing. However, he does love his fleece blankets. In his crib, he'll curl up next to it and grab it under his arm to fall asleep. In the car, he loves to have his fleece blanket wrapped around him. He'll lift up his arms when you're placing it on him and then drop them down with a 'bbooomm' when he's all tucked in.

Pacifier
Luc is slowly phasing himself out of using a pacifier. Works for us! When he's upset during the day, he will outright refuse you trying to put a pacifier in his mouth to shut him up. He no longer automatically grabs one that might be laying around. If he does, he just chews on it when he's teething. He really only prefers it when he's trying to fall asleep. But eventually it falls out of his mouth, and he doesn't wake or search for it when he realizes it's gone.