Luc, the Professor

Luc has taught me so much in this past year. He's taught me about life, motherhood, parenting, marriage, and mostly, Myself.

I once read an article about motherhood. It said, before you have children, you think you're the expert on how people should be raising their kids, and you have the answers to all their parenting problems. Then you have your own child. You soon realize, you know nothing about parenting. Luc has definitely made me realize this. I always had my own ideas on how my child would act, and how I would discipline him. I knew how I would react to any situation so that he was a great child 100% of the time, and I was a perfect parent. I've read up on everyone's advice on how to raise my child too. I'm pretty well-versed in all the different methods from sleeping to eating. However, I can read a million websites, blogs, or books. I can talk to every other mother in this world, and no one can give me advice that actually works with Luc. Everything I thought I knew about parenting and how I wanted to treat my child has change. I've had to come up with my own rules. I've also had to change the way I think about a lot of things.

This is what Luc has taught me about being a Mother:


*You've never seen a 40-year old man still sleeping on his mother's shoulder. 
 I've spent way too much time worrying and trying to find solutions to Luc's sleepless days and nights. People and books, doctors and friends tell you not to let them sleep with you, on you, near you. They need to learn to put themselves to sleep, alone, in the dark, all the time.-even if this means having them scream their lungs out for hours on end. I've tried that. Luc fought back (strong) and even threw-up in his bed. I've taught myself to take it day by day, night by night. One night, one thing might work. The next night, that same thing will not work. I try to listen to what Luc wants by his cries. Is he in pain? Is he cold? Is he anxious of being separated from me? Is he just being stubborn? I hope some day he can sleep by himself, alone, and without my help. I'm sure he'll find a way, in his own time.

*Stop Worrying.

This one is very hard. I've known from watching my own mother worry about her children, that completely not worrying is impossible as a mother. But obsessive worrying is just no good- for me or Luc.

I've worried too often about sickness, accidents, autism, should Luc get vaccines or not, should he sleep in our bed with us or should I go on the couch, is he eating enough, are these habits he's starting now a development problem, etc. This article online put some things in perspective.

"We don't actually have much control over the way our kids turn out. Genes do a lot of the deciding, and the owner of those genes does most of the rest. People blossom when we love them, not when we worry about them. Worry just teaches worry. Let it go."

*Go with the Flow.

 I've grown-up to be a little control freak. Whatever I can have a grasp on, I like to control in some manner.  Part of it is hating relying on others to get it done and do it correctly. Part of it is to give myself a purpose. Part of it is just to have comfort in knowing what comes next and not having any surprises. I have to often remind myself that Luc is his own person, and I cannot control him. This mantra also ties into Luc's mood swings, tantrums, wants and needs, dislikes, sleeping issues, daily routines, etc. Yes, babies are known to thrive on routine and things they can expect to occur. But life does not work like that. You have good days, bad days, good luck, bad luck. You have to go with the flow of life. Work it one day at a time, and do the best you can in that moment. Luc is a little person. He has his own mind and opinions. I not only have to recognize I cannot control that, I must also respect it.

*Do what You feel is right.- Right for you. Right for him. Right now.

 There are books and doctors endorsing every parenting style ever imagined. They all believe they know what's best and what's going to work for your child. I've thrown all those books away. I've returned to my original thought on life and everything in life- Follow your Gut. I once gave a stressed new mother of twins this same advice the first week of her being a Mother. I soon realized (as an exception to the section above) that I was correct in this parenting advice, but needed to learn to follow it myself. I'm one of the very few who know Luc the best. I have the maternal instinct since giving birth to Luc to feel what he needs. I need to listen to that instinct and trust that little urge inside to do what I think is best for him. I need to learn to ignore what everyone else thinks.